B. Guile, Date # 3

The Guy

Alias: Monotone
Age: 27
Height: 6'0"
Appearance:
I was very encouraged to discover that he was more attractive in person than in photos. The man is the definition of non-photogenic. Tall, lanky, nondescript. A long hook of a nose with tiny beady eyes and little, slightly crooked teeth. He wasn't unattractive, but at the same time he wasn't wildly attractive either. The one benefit to his physicality was his enticing aroma of clean laundry. Nothing smells better on a man than soap and clean laundry.

The Date

Date: 06/10/2008
Time: 08:30 pm
Duration: 1.5 hours
Location: Katachi, Chicago
Description:
I made my way to the restaurant via the El but found myself there before my date. I phoned him to inquire as to his where abouts and to inform him that I had arrived promptly and safely. Within minutes he arrived and led me into the restaurant. We took our seats and began to peruse the menu. Since this was a local haunt for him, I asked him what he liked and if he had any recommendations. He was completely unhelpful and extremely vague. Thank God I know my way around a sushi menu or I would have been lost and frustrated.

We chatted a little and placed our orders. While we waited for our food (which was almost as good as the Indian takeout I had from the fridge when I got home), I asked him questions and actually listened for the answers. I told minimal stories (if you can believe it) and tried to maintain the conversation. However, this was much more difficult than I had originally thought. Prying information out of him took an act of God. He was reluctant to give more than a monosyllabic answer and made odd nose wrinkles every time I asked something he didn't want to answer or talked about something he showed no interest in. There was little expression on his face even when he discussed something he was passionate about.

He seemed antsy and distracted the whole night. I am not sure whether he was nervous or really would rather have been back at his apartment doing laundry. (By the end, I was almost preferring we both had stayed home to do laundry... though I would have missed out on free sushi, so perhaps I could sacrifice one night of my social calendar) He walked me to the El station and told me it was nice to meet me, so I thanked him for dinner, hugged him, and told him I'd see him online. His face showed emotion for the first time all evening. He actually seemed happy. Hmmm. He was either happy because he just got to rub up against my breasts or because he was finally free to crawl back under his rock. *shakes head* And to think I put on makeup for this...

All in all, I believe this date was much like the man taking me out – completely forgettable.

Frog or Prince?

Baby Makers:
1. He paid for dinner
2. He likes sushi
3. If we're going by the rules of the first date, at least he didn't mention sex!


Deal Breakers:
1. He is not sure he could ever live with anyone again ... including a wife. He quickly made the strong stipulation that it could be possible if he had enough personal space. I agree to a point, but trust me fellas, most girls would recoil with horror at the revelation of a man never wanting to live with them.
2. Could hardly show interest in any of the topics of conversation
3. Barely speaks to his sister because they are just "too different"; not really a family person
4. No passion, no animation, completely boring. He is the kind of man that I cannot imagine ever having a sex life merely because I cannot see him summoning enough emotion or intensity or even excitement to partake in the intimate deed
5. I made mention of my skills in the kitchen... blank face. I suggested that perhaps he was not a sweets kind of guy to which he merely retorted that he likes them too much so he refrains from having them at all.
6. He doesn't like dogs
7. He is the physical embodiment of monotone. No change in expressions, no enthusiasm, nothing.

This is B. Guile, falling asleep (from exhaustion or boredom, we'll never know).